I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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