You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think my fart just growled at me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
