what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
