5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
