So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
