you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
