apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
