I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize