I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
