At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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