I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
