The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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