apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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