I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
