I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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