Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
