His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize