Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
