I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize