also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
