i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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