Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
