i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
