PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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