A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
