Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
