So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
