This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
