I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
