Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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