she woke up with a sticky ear
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
