If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
