I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize