As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
