This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
