"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
