WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize
