Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
