oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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