After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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