I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
