Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
