I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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