it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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