He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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