the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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