the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
