I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
