You can't motorboat a personality
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
