ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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