Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
