she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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