I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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