Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I lost the right to judge tonight
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
