do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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