Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
