i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You made out with two different species that night
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
