OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
