I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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