woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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