i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
