I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
