Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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