Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
