is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
