so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
