your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
