I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
