I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
