I just cut my nipple shaving
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
either way he was missing a nipple.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
