white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
