you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
