Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
