She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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