Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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