FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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