I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
