My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
