I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
