i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
