I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
