forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
