I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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