Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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