Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
this will be a night to untag.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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