I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize