Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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