I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
