Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
