he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
