Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
